March 14, 2010

So how did it go?


They arrive at the house at the same time, around seven-thirty in the evening.

My goodness, you're late, she says, where were you?

Oh I was doing something on the computer, and I needed a video card from Memory Express, then I dropped in at Safeway on the way back to get the bread. How about you?

Well. Pause while a cigarette is lit. Around four, I wasn't working well, I felt tired...

Well it's not surprising, you're there ten hours a day, you really have to stop working all the time...

Yes, I know, well, anyway, so I thought, I'm just wasting my time here, I'll go and talk to Mary for a while, see how she's doing with the new man in her life. 

And how is she doing? it's ages since I've seen her.

Well, I don't know. Mary wasn't there. She's not there a lot of the time nowadays, I imagine it's because of the new guy.

So what did you do?

Well, I thought, I really need some new socks. And the last time the ones from the Bay were really the best I've had in a long time, so I turned the computer and everything off and just before I left I went to pee, just in case, you never know. But when I got back to my office, I'd forgotten the keys somehow, you know how it happens. So I had to go to the main office - a good thing it wasn't four-thirty yet - and get them to phone the security people, and they didn't come right away of course so I was talking to Claude, you know they moved his office next to mine, and he's there all the time, I'm not too sure about his home life... and then they finally came and let me in and I drove to the Bay. You know, talking about his home life, Claude told me... But I'll tell you about Claude later. So I went to the Bay and it took me such a long time to find the socks because they've moved everything, and you know what it's like at the Bay, there's never anyone around to help, but eventually I found an old lady who took me to where they are now, but they didn't have my size.

So I thought, Wal-Mart has good socks too, their stuff is getting better all the time, so I drove over to Wal-Mart, and as I was parking I thought I recognized Francine's car, you know they just got a new one, all clean and shiny, I think she must have just washed it, because mine looks awful - and yours too, by the way, we really should get them washed - and anyway, it was Francine and she asked me what I was doing at Wal-Mart and we started talking, you know how she is, it's hard to get away, and she wanted to go and have a coffee. It's true it's ages since we've seen each other, to talk anyway, but I thought No, I'd really better get home, so we didn't.

So how is Francine?

Oh, she's fine. Don't you want to hear the rest of the story?

Of course.

So I finally managed to get to Wal-Mart and find the socks, and as I was lining up to pay, there was Francine again, so we chatted some more, she's quite upset about the dogs still...

The dogs?

You remember, one of them died and the other one just wasted away, he couldn't figure out where the other one had gone, remember?

Now that you mention it...

And anyway she told me that Antoine, who used to be Paula's doctor, right? Pause while he tries to remember the time fifteen years before when they were best friends with Francine and Antoine, and Paula and her husband, what was his name? still lived in Calgary. 

Right, right...

So he'd had a call from her and they might be coming back to Calgary!

Paula and her husband?

Yes, but she got divorced and then remarried, you remember, it'll be a different husband.

Right, right... But all this took four hours?

No, of course not, don't be impatient. We went back to the cars together, because we'd parked right opposite each other, we just about bumped actually, when we were parking. Quick giggle. And I got in, and I hadn't lost the keys and the car started OK because I hadn't left the lights on. Pause, Happy grin. And I was just about to wave and leave but Francine couldn't get into her car, so I had to turn mine off and go and see what was wrong and can you imagine? Her door lock had frozen and she had one of these fancy automatic door openers but it wouldn't work, and neither did the key, so we couldn't get in.

So what did you do?

Well, she had to call the AMA on her cell phone and they said it would take three hours to get there, because of the cold snap everyone was calling at once and Francine was getting hysterical, so I said Why don't I just drive you home, and you can figure out what to do with the car later?

Ah, of course, and she lives way down south, right? That's why it took so long. 

Well. Slightly angry. Yes and no. She does live miles away, down near Shaw... Shaw something.

Shawnessy?

That's it, Shawnessy.

Oh well, if you drove to Shawnessy, I'm not surprised it took you so long, what with the traffic, and the roads so slippery...

What are you talking about?

Driving Francine home.

No, no, I didn't drive her home.

You didn't?

No, she wouldn't let me. She said it was too far, and the roads were bad.

So what did you do?

Well, she phoned Antoine.

Of course, and he managed to open the door. Big smile.  Takes a man eh?

Well, no. Actually no. Pout.

He couldn't get into the car either?

No, no, he couldn't come. He was in some important meeting and he couldn't leave.

So what did you do?

Well, he sent Charlie.

And Charlie is...?

His secretary. Don't you remember Charlie? Come on, she's the hot little blonde girl he hired last year. I thought you'd remember her, she's very young and pretty.

But have I met her?

No, of course not, I hadn't either, until today, but we talked about it, you remember, how hot she was and how Francine was so jealous...

Right, right... so Charlie came and all was well?

Well, yeah, sort of. Disappointed look, then picking up steam. But it took her a while, because Francine hadn't explained very well where we were, so she had to drive around quite a bit.

But she managed to open the car?

Yes. She was so efficient, it's amazing. She pulled out this can of stuff and sprayed the lock and it opened right away. And she looks so dumb! Francine wasn't happy, I can tell you. And she was so pleasant!

Francine?

No, Charlie. She asked about their daughter, and how Sarko and Carla were doing...

Who?

Sarko and Carla, the new dogs they just got.

They got new dogs?

Of course they got new dogs. Remember, Françoise told us how much they all laughed when they called them that and then had them...

Had them what?

Had them... fixed, you know, snip, snip. How can you not remember these things? 

Well, maybe I wasn't there.

It's true. Giggle. I think Françoise told me on the phone. Well anyway, she was really nice.

Françoise?

No, Charlie. And she was driving this amazing red sports car.

Charlie was?

Of course Charlie. That made Francine even more jealous. When she'd opened the car and driven away, she kind of lost it.

Charlie?

No, Francine, stupid. She was so mad. We had to go for a coffee to calm her down, she didn't think she could drive.

But the car door opened OK the second time?

What?

The car door. You had to close it again. Did it open OK the second time?

I suppose so. I hope so. I left her in the food fair.

What? You left her? Wasn't she in really bad shape?

No, yes, of course she was in bad shape. But Dennis was in the food fair, and she really wanted to tell him the story, so I left her with him and came home to see my lovely husband. And here I am. Big smile.


March 10, 2010

Dog days


I invite Ruby for dinner. I won’t eat with you, she says, but I will drink with you. She comes over with an opened bottle of white wine which she puts in the fridge, and a glass of vodka-orange with saran wrap over the top. Over the next few hours, she drinks another 4 or 5 large vodka-oranges (we make juice with oranges from the tree), and we talk outside by the pool. She was supposed to go home at 9, so I could see the World Cup Match, but there’s an electricity cut so we keep talking, outside in the dark. At 11, she’s completely drunk, can’t stand up. I get her to hold on to the garbage can while I get my keys, and her keys to drive her home. She falls down on the gravel. I get her up and into her car and can’t find reverse. She laughs at me, refuses to show me. Finally get her home, she almost falls again on her outside steps, I notice she’s got blood on her face, one side, where she fell. She won’t go to bed or sit down so I leave her and walk home.

Next day, I wait to go by and check on her because she usually gets up late. At 11:30 she phones. Did you lock me in? No, of course not. I’m locked in, can’t get out. And I can’t find my keys. Can you come? Why did you hit me? I didn’t hit you. You fell down. Laugh I know, just kidding. But I’m locked in. Can you come over right away? (She left me an extra set of keys the previous night so I could use her washing machine when she's not there. Our washing machine was stolen the last time we were burgled.)

I arrive a few minutes later. Arantxa, her friend, who always talks as if she’s in an Almodovar movie, is outside, talking to her through the closed French window. They're both smoking, each sitting on a chair leaning towards each other and shouting loudly through the door. Arantxa's dog is sitting quietly nearby, head on one side ears cocked, apparently listening carefully. After some checking, it turns out the door isn’t locked, she just has the catch on, and her keys are in her bag, which she turns out onto the table when I suggest it. Now that everything is hunky dory, I ask if the Cybercafé is open (The Cybercafé is close by and Mohammed, the owner, is Arantxa's husband). They don't know if it's open - it's often closed because Mohammed is not very reliable - but if I go, she, Arantxa, isn’t here. Arantxa and her husband don't get along.

She tells us about Mohammed getting caught in a Police operation to catch drunk drivers. He was drunk of course, got a 600 euro fine, and they insisted on shutting the dog in the car while they were talking to him, so he destroyed all the upholstery and the seat belts, which are very expensive to replace. When I come back from the Cybercafé, having checked my email, they’re still there, smoking and talking, the dog asleep now. Ruby says Did you buy me cigarettes? No, I didn't know you needed cigarettes, you should have told me. But I sent you a message. I didn’t get any message. Not on the mobile, silly, I sent a telepathic message. Laugh Didn’t you get it? NO. Well, could you buy me some cigarettes (at the cybercafé). Sure. She gets 3 euros out. Arantxa says Oh, do you think you could get me some? But don’t say it’s for me. And don’t say anything about the dog. How much is it? Oh I don’t know, says Ruby, it’s two euros something, or three euros. They give me another 3 euros. What sort? Fortuna, but the red packet, not light. Not light? Oh, do they have light? I’d really like light (says Arantxa). So I get one normal, one light, both supposedly for Ruby. Mohammed, who's a pretty laid back sort of guy, doesn’t ask.

Next day I go by to do the washing and Arantxa is still there, but without the dog. They’re getting ready to go to a funeral. I’m invited of course, but I refuse. They can't tell me who the dead person is.